#48 - Getting Good Attention
If I were to ask some people who know you a little bit to describe you, what do you think they would say? People who know you well would probably give a pretty good description of who you are. But what about the people that don’t really know you—that’ve only seen the highlight reel? Rather than describing your character traits and personality, they’re going to mention bits and pieces about you that jumped out at them. The attention-grabbing things. What do you think the things are that you get attention for?
Thinking positively, I hope that people around me would say, “oh yeah, a hard worker”, “really friendly”, “fired-up”, etc. It’s really hard to objectively describe yourself so take a moment to describe some people you sort of but don’t really know in a couple words. Here’s what I came up with (each bullet is a different person):
Arrogant
Really good at asking questions
Un-athletic
Gifted musician
So overly friendly they seemed fake?
Excellent singer
Drama queen
Flirty with everyone
After being that critical with other people, it’s a lot easier to think objectively about some of your defining attention-grabbing moments that other people probably saw as describing you (even if they might not seem all that important to you). Suddenly, I think people I don’t really know would describe me as:
Extremely competitive/not a great loser
Friendly but likes to stick to people who are similar
Very focused—sometimes bordering on “not really here”
Very encouraging if you’re willing to try, but impatient with fear or hesitation
Wow, that’s not quite so rosy a picture is it? The reality is that most people don’t know you really well and so to them, you’re defined by these tiny snippets that happened:
When you made a big play and later when you lost the game
Always seems to be with people very similar
Working on a project and keeps not hearing you
Helping people do a difficult hike (but only if they’re going to give it their best)
Many of those moments lasted minutes or even seconds. But to someone who doesn’t spend hours with you, that’s what they have to go on.
So what are the implications of that observation?
Be self-aware – You can’t live your life constantly wondering what everyone will think of you, but is it worth it to put on a fake smile and congratulate the winning team? Sometimes a little self-awareness can prevent you from making seemingly minor mistakes that could give classmates, coaches, coworkers, bosses, potential friends, etc. the wrong idea about you.
Choose your battles – Sometimes it’s more important than others to really focus on what others think. The first day on a new job is one example. So is when the coach is explaining something to the team. In these situations it pays to really make sure that you get attention for the right things. Choosing your battles is so important because you should not live your entire life worrying about what others think. It’s just a tool that can be helpful in managing yourself in specific situations.
Get to know more people better – It’s also a great reason to get to know more people better. If they know you better, then they aren’t basing their picture of you off of a few minutes of interaction. Meeting new people is rewarding—you never know what kind of fascinating people you’re going to find. Yesterday, I met a DJ, surfer, and competitive video gamer. I know very little about any of those things but hit it off with all of them and am so glad to have met them.
So be self-aware, choose your battles, and get to know lots of people. But, don’t live your life only thinking of what others think—if you do that, you will never win, you’ll be very unhappy, and never actually get anywhere.