#26 - Dealing with Negativity
There’s a lot of negativity out there—on social media, radio, TV, politicians, friends, family, random strangers… All of these sources can spread astonishing quantities of negativity. Numerous studies have shown that negativity has serious consequences from health to productivity to athletic performance. Body pain, weak immune system, elevated stress hormones, lack of focus, weakened resolve, and low self-efficacy are just a few of the negative side effects of negativity. So how do you deal with negativity? Well, it depends on the source of the negativity—after all, it’s easy to just change the channels but that doesn’t work so well with family members or significant others.
The number one rule of negativity: Don’t be negative about something unless you follow it up with a solution. If you can follow it up with a solution, it’s not really negativity—you’re recognizing a problem and sharing a potential solution. This type of negativity outlet doesn’t seem to have the same side-effects. If you can’t offer a solution, then why be negative? You can’t control it, so there’s no reason to lose sleep over it. Focus your efforts on either finding a solution or dealing with problems that do have solutions.
Random People
Some random people, like the ones you hear in the grocery store and on the street, you simply can’t avoid. There are negative people everywhere and sometimes you just can’t avoid them.
Steps
Recognize negativity and don’t buy into it.
Avoid negative people.
As soon as you hear negativity, focus on the solution.
Don’t spend time with negative people if you can help it.
People you Know
Sometimes though, the negativity is coming from people though that you know. For people you don’t know very well, maybe the best option is to simply stop spending time with them. I knew someone who was incessantly negative. She had a gift—she could find negativity in any situation no matter how rosy. She could organize an event, have fantastic turnout, and then complain about the one person who came that she felt was judging her efforts (note the irony). At first it was kind of funny but very quickly it became a real drag. It was hard to hang out with her—I started to dread seeing her and would feel negative myself after. Eventually, I had to just stop hanging out with her.
Of course that’s a lot harder to do with some people; like family or significant others for example. The best thing you can do when you notice negativity is to confront them about it. Sometimes they don’t even realize that they’re being negative a lot. In a kind and respectful way, share with them what you’ve noticed, how it affects them and you, and offer some solutions. Hopefully, they will be open to reducing their own negativity and you can work together to focus on solutions and be more positive.
Steps
Recognize negativity and don’t buy into it.
Confront them or avoid them.
Focus on solutions.
Media
Media is an important one because it is so pervasive. It includes social media, radio, TV, etc. People complain all the time about how negative the news is but they rarely seem motivated to do anything about it. One thing I found very helpful is to turn on the TV and then go into the other room and just listen to the news—you will be shocked how much they sensationalize the news to keep people watching. You’ll notice dramatic sound effects, scary/intense tone of voice (like they’re in the trailer for a new action movie), and a vibrant vocabulary of negative words. Once you recognize all of this, you realize that the news is a lot less bad than they make it sound. Regardless, be careful to manage the amount of time you spend consuming negative media. It doesn’t matter how aware you are of their sensationalist tactics, eventually it’ll get to you. The good news is that you can have a good idea of what’s going on with very little time—you don’t need to spend hours every day to keep up on current events.
Steps
Recognize negativity and don’t buy into it.
Watch for sensationalist reporting and recognize that they’re trying to get people worried so they keep watching.
Manage the time you spend consuming such media. News is important but you don’t need to drown in excessive amounts of negativity.