#13 - “The dog ate my Homework!”
Have you ever heard an excuse that was completely satisfying? I’m sure I’ve heard one before, but it’s difficult to remember because of how many excuses I’ve heard (and made) in my life. The reality is that almost no excuses are legitimate and even when they are, no one believes them. How many times have you made an excuse as an athlete?
After making a commitment to myself not to use excuses, amazing things happened; I realized how often people use excuses. Not only are they used frequently, they are generally dishonest, and they never help to improve behavior. Instead of offering excuses now, I simply apologize and leave it at that (“I’m sorry I snapped at you. I shouldn’t have.”). The result is that I have to face the reality of why I did something and what I could’ve done to prevent it. Here’s an example with the detailed results of avoiding excuses.
The Situation: I recently got some feedback from a coach that I disagreed with, I got defensive and the conversation deteriorated. Instead of being a productive conversation, we both left feeling bad about the tone used and I didn’t improve as an athlete.
In My Head: I felt bad about how the conversation and I immediately started creating excuses in my head. “I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well.” “I’m stressed out about things.”
The Realization: These are excuses. The reality is that my ego power was low and I let myself make a poor decision about how I communicated. I could’ve used a better tone. I could have asked if we could discuss another time.
Action: I went and apologized, “I’m sorry I didn’t take that feedback well. I want feedback whenever you have it, and I don’t want to lose that because I didn’t take it well.” It was hard not to add an excuse on the end but the truth is that any excuse would’ve made my apology less sincere (and untruthful—it was my fault).
Result: As a result of avoiding an excuse, there were a number of positive takeaways.
The relationship was repaired because the apology was sincere
I acknowledged the real problem (with low ego power, I made a poor choice)
I know how to solve that—strengthen my ego power, or make a better choice next time
There will be a next time because I want to continue getting feedback
The other person has more respect for me (and I have more respect for me) because I didn’t give some lame excuse that neither of us believed
I’m not advocating that you have to tell the brutally honest truth instead of the excuse. Just an apology is usually a better strategy. If you want to improve as an athlete, you have to find the problem and excuses don’t get at the problem.
Next time you are thinking of making an excuse, think about what the result will be. Are the consequences worth it? I have definitely become a better athlete (and person) since I chose to stop using excuses. I think you’ll be shocked over the next few days by how many excuses you hear (and how pointless they are).